dear andrew: Hong Kong

Dear Andrew,

I just spent 4 days in the city where you started your trek across Asia, traveling, running ultramarathons, learning Mandarin and teaching English. While I was here, I visited Bomi, a friend who lives in Hong Kong. You met her one time, when she was traveling through Taipei, on that Sunday we ate at a potluck after Oasis and then got teas and walked to the park. That was such a fun afternoon. Bomi still remembers you, and she misses you. It only ever took one time for you to make an unforgettable impression. 

All of us hanging out that super fun Sunday afternoon. 

I remember a specific interaction between you and her. We were all on our iPhones (of course, in this day and age), taking pictures and uploading them to facebook. We were joking about how much people “like” things that are posted. So Bomi uploaded this picture to facebook and then, I think, told you specifically to get on facebook and like it. So you did, by hitting the “like” on the screen of HER iPhone. The whole ordeal was quite entertaining. She laughed. We all laughed.

So many times, it’s the little things worth remembering.

I loved Hong Kong, and will definitely come back some day if given the opportunity. It’s such a bustling and international city compared to Taipei, and so much English! You barely need any Chinese to get around. A lot of cool things to do and see, and I did as much and saw as much as I could, including hiking up to Lantau Peak, the second highest peak in Hong Kong. I thought of you as I hiked (and during my whole HK adventure for that matter). Did you get ever get up there while you were in Hong Kong? Well, I brought you with me.

 

There’s still so much of the world to see, Andrew. And along the way, there are the people that make our experiences mean everything. It’s cool flying solo every once in a while, but like Christopher McCandless wrote in his journal during his final days in Alaska, “Happiness only real when shared.” He discovered this too late. You shared your happiness up to the very last moment.

Below: Bomi and I parted ways infront of the MTR station. We needed one last picture. I’m flying solo to Indonesia tomorrow morning. 

Your friend and fellow world traveler,

 珍珠

dear andrew: ONE YEAR

Dear Andrew,

One year ago, on January 25, 2012, I got the news that an Andrew John had been injured in a bike accident. One year ago, our friend William called the hospital in PingDong and found out you were dead. One year ago, your life took root in this world, like a seed that fell from a dead flower, finding a new home in a garden and producing even more life and color than the plant before it. 

It’s been a full year, Andrew. It’s possibly been a much fuller year for some people as the inspiration of your “dash” ended up sparking more life in us all. That “dash” (-) between the numbers 1987 and 2012 – those are the years that have made this last year so much harder and also so much more meaningful for many. (Read the poem “The Dash” by Linda Ellis.)

All of us are a year older now, and you are in heaven. We had a worship night at the Aroma today. Sarah wanted all of us to think about what it would be like if we were worshiping in heaven. I thought of you.

I thought I might have something more inspirational to say when this day came, when a year of an Andrew-less world passed. And yet it hasn’t been an Andrew-less world at all. It’s a world made brighter because of all the traces of your life all over it. And there’s really no reason for me to have anything special to say today that’s more inspirational than what I say tomorrow or 6 months from now. One of the things you taught me is that every day is just another incredible and miraculous opportunity to live. And only fools and people with no souls waste opportunities like these.

No matter how many years any of us live, it’s how we spend our days that count. I’ll never forget those days you spent with us in Ximen, at Oasis, at the Aroma, in Taiwan, going on trips. Those were some of the best days of my life, and you were a part of those days.

I will never forget you, Andrew. One year or 5 years later. None us will. And I will never stop living one day at a time, making every day, whether or not those days ever amount to another year, count.

Besides, I can sleep when I’m dead, right? 😉

Your friend,

Victoria

dear Andrew: 21k or bust

Dear Andrew,

It’s the first day of 2013, and this letter to you is the first of 365 posts I plan on blogging this year. One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to blog every day of 2013. I want to be a writer, and I need a writing routine; and I feel like a routine is bound to come from writing 365 days in a row. If it’s 21 days to make or break a habit, surely 365 develop a routine!

It’s been a couple weeks after the fact, but we did it.

The 2013 Taipei Fubon Marathon

Amy, Michael, and I BEFORE the race

Found my friend Hannah who came up from Hsinchu to run the half

Me with friends Amanda & Joanna

The whole thing was just a super cool event. There were SO MANY people and so much energy. Everybody on the MRT that early in the morning was headed to the same place: Taipei City Hall to run either 5k, 9k, 21k, or 42k. It was 21k for us, and there were absolutely no regrets.

I didn’t think I was going to be able to run it. 10 days before race day, I went for a run and after 8k, I thought my left knee was going to fall off. On a run prior, I went 14k and experienced a rather pointed pain behind my knee. I looked it up and concluded I had something called Runner’s Knee, which is actually a rather common runner’s injury. Things like keep your leg muscles strong and limber, along with cutting back on distance and giving it a rest, were all remedy suggestions. I did what I could over those 10 days – a lot of leg workouts and no running – but was really not sure how things were going to play out. I wasn’t even sure if I should try to run it or not after what 8k made me feel.

The whole ordeal with my knee was a pretty discouraging time for me. It took 3 days for my knee to recover from the run that induced all of the pain. I was going down steps one at a time. I felt like I had torn my ACL again and needed to start back from square one. I went ahead and bought braces for both knees. I wasted a lot of my time being disappointed and angry. I was supposed to be in prime condition the day of the race, ready to run my fastest 21k ever. And now that wasn’t going to be the case, even I did go for it.

I almost had myself convinced I was a bust.

Then I realized there was no such thing as bust. And because of the encouragement and prayers of friends, I decided I was going to do it. I was going to do all 21k. 

Because of the rest I had given it, my knee didn’t feel awful, and I could always walk. I didn’t want to over-do it, so I soon left Amy & Michael pass me up. The route around the city was pretty cool, and I thought of you a lot. It kept me running – and walking. I ended up walking a total of 6 kilometers (broken up), but was able to run the rest. When I walked, I walked as fast I freaking could and did it whenever I felt my knee start acting up. I even ran into friends along the way. The final 6k was one of the best feeling runs of my life. I decided no matter what I was going to run the last stretch. And I RAN it – painless! In fact, my knees felt fine after the race.

(After recharging my phone sometime after the race, I read this text message from a friend who was supposed to run the half that day but couldn’t do it due to her health: “Lemme know how it went, Vic. Rooting for you and claiming that you’ll have NO pain after the race. Big hug. Lita.”)

21km later! Amy, Alexa, William, Michael, me.

I can’t really describe the emotions I had when I crossed the finish line and joined the others. But I remembered something you wrote about your 100K Ultramarathon in Singapore:

I still think about the race from time to time, but like so many of my so-called “accomplishments,” it is starting to fade away. Another medal to put in the storage box with my dusty 5k trophies and my high school ribbons. It almost means nothing to me now. Just another story that can’t accurately be described when people ask me about it later. I will probably brush off the question with “Oh, it was hard,” or something stupid like that.  I guess that’s why it was important for me to express my feelings directly after the race…

Honestly, that’s just the way I am. The thrill of accomplishments last for about a week or two, then I don’t care anymore.  I just feel like I’m better than that.  I really didn’t train my hardest for this race; I had to walk for parts of it; I wasn’t even disciplined enough to relax and run slowly at the start, and the winner had finished the race while I was still at about the 60k mark.  Garbage.

I guess I see it as a stepping stone that my weight pushed down into the mud.  My eyes are focused on what’s next.

So my eyes are focused on what is next as well. Can’t wait to run my next half, since it’s going to be WAY faster than what I ran on December 16. And a new year just started today, so there’s a lot coming up next, a lot of life to live, a lot of races to run.

Miss you, Andrew. Happy New Year! Or like they say here in Taiwan, 新年快樂!

 Still running with a whole new year up ahead,

珍珠

dear andrew: holidays and half-marathons

Dear Andrew,

It was around this time last year that I kicked off the holiday season with a dessert night at my house. You were such an enthusiastic guest. It was so good to just have you there. Of all the people who crowded my apartment that evening, I remember you making an impression on me as a person who doesn’t believe in communication barriers as you conversed with people and made new friends.

Well, it’s the holidays again here in Taiwan, but I’m not doing any big parties this year. Keeping it to small family stuff. There’s a season for both.

You were also there last year for the very first meal (of pizza!) we held in the new coffee shop building. It was also this time last year you were always around late at night in Ximen helping us paint the floors and cleaning the place up, painting, painting, so much painting. You were there more than I was since I tutored so late everyday last school year. You were such a big presence in the beginning of things. For the very beginning. And now you’re not here.

Crazy how life happens.  

Anyway, so the holidays have begun. Now for half-marathons…

It was also this time last year that you and some other people were gearing up for the Taipei Fubon Marathon. You and Dan were getting ready for the full. Sharon was going to run the half, like she did in Taroko, but injured herself and got sick. This year, Team Andrew is gearing up for the Fubon Half Marathon. We’ve already gone the distance; now it’s a matter of surviving it and feeling good the day of the race. 

Did you know that there’s a group of people who have dubbed the half-marathon a “Pikermi”? Pikermi is the name of the city that was at the half way point between Athens and Marathon on the route the very first Marathoner ran. The premier quote of this Team Pikermi movement is “Because 13.1 miles should not be considered ‘only half’ of anything!” It’s true you know. That half-way point can be such a glimmer of hope. And if you never reach half-way, you never finish. The distance of a pikermi SHOULD be celebrated. It’s a victory in itself, making it half-way.

I went back and found your marathon results from last year online. It was the last marathon you ever ran. There are so many marathons now being run in your honor. Have no doubt that the 2012 Fubon Pikermi is being run in the wake of your inspiration.

On December 16, I will be thinking of you. We will all be thinking of you. And we will keep on running. To the half-way point and beyond. 

Thankful for Pikermis and half-way points,

Victoria

dear andrew: 9 months

Dear Andrew,

I wanted you to know that there are more runners in the world today because of you. In the last nine months, there have been stories of people who have never run more than a few miles in their life putting in the distance, registering for races, running marathons. And we’re talking all ages. Perhaps one of the most inspirational of these is your brother rocking the Chicago Marathon in your honor. Running truly is an act of the will. People seem to be surprising themselves with how far and how fast they can go all over the world. 

Team Andrew is gearing for the Taipei Fubon half on December 16! There’s a few people who have never done anything like this or even imagined that they would. And they’re doing it! We’re all doing it. My roommate Amy never runs and she’s going for it. Our friend Wes is running it. William’s running it. Michael hated running before, but he’s been getting super motivated to push himself and train now. (He’s even considering a full marathon after he sees how the half goes!) Alexa, our friend and one of the Chinese teachers at TLI is even signed up. And Tina, one of the Aroma employees, is even going to run it. It’s 21k or bust in December!

Running is not easy, as I’m sure you knew. A lot of different things can happen to you while you’re out on a run, physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m learning this. It’s a fight that can only make you stronger if you don’t give in. You can never give up on your own physical ability. It’s like learning more about God; there’s so much you don’t know, but if you keep pressing in He rocks your world. But it’s hard to take it to the next step sometimes. I feel like this is what you experienced in Singapore during your 100k race.

Your roommate Craig came in to the Coffee Shop the other week. His daughter was with him. They were looking for the Major League store in Ximen. I directed him accordingly. It was cool to see him again.

My dragon boat team is competing in a race down in Gaoxiong at the end of the November, so we’ve been training on the weekends. I’ve been really spending myself physically lately, but it feels good. There’s something about exerting yourself past your limit that inspires you to live life in a way you never have before. Living in the wake of your inspiration has taught me this. You really never have stopped running. Your spirit is still running through all of us.

Your friend,

Victoria

dear andrew: 7 months (and 1 day)

Dear Andrew,

I went skydiving this summer. That was number one on your to-do list. It was something I also always wanted to do, so my sister and I decided to do it together this summer since I was home. It was pretty awesome. I was totally flying through the air. I felt like the ADRENALINE was knocking the wind out of me.

A funny thing, though. When you jump in tandem, you either have to crazily trust the instructor you’re strapped to or just not think about it at all. My sister didn’t think about it at all, but I thought about it way too much. After Ty (my instructor) pulled the chute, and as I hung there over the checkerboard of grass and wheat fields and swimming pools and homes and roads in the air, I thought to myself, “This guy, at any second, could decide he doesn’t like me and just unhook me, releasing me to my imminent death.” I felt more comfortable after he had me hold on to the parachute handles, the one thing that was holding us both.

You have to sign this 5-page document that explained in detail all the different ways you could die or get hurt, every thing underscored with the company’s disclaimer that they’re not responsible. But I’m sure you dealt with all of that when you did the bunjy jump in Macau.

Anyway, that’s just the risk you take when you want to do something awesome. You probably understood that more than anybody.

Your friend,

珍珠

dear andrew: 6 months

Dear Andrew,

Yesterday marked the 6-month mark from January 25, 2012, the day so many of our worlds were shaken. You know, I’ve always believed it would take a lifetime (a span of time that is already relative) to process every single moment one experienced in a day; so that day you died is definitely still in process for me. And one of the things I discovered lately from reading all the words that have been written by you and for you and in your honor is that you shook all of us, while you were still here on earth. You shook us all out of  our over-serious modes of existence and pessimistic mentalities. You shook things up by reminding the people around you that we have our whole lives ahead of us to live and love.

Quoting your mom, you “never took life too seriously and helped the rest of us to lighten up at times and not take it so seriously either.” Quoting your dad, you “lived a life full of joy, love, laughter and smiles” and “believed happiness is real only when shared… [you were] always surrounded by laughter because [you were] usually making someone laugh.” One of my favorite memories your dad shared is this: “…he was about 9 or 10 and we were on vacation and had stopped at a Waffle House – it was there, when reading the menu that he discovered the butt-steak. We laughed for hours.” Quoting your brother Ben, “He wasn’t someone that let life pass him by, he made life pass through him.” 

For me personally, you shook me from my perpetual procrastination of doing things I want to do. I just finished reading the blog you started when you left the States to start your adventure in Asia. It’s probably the most interesting travel memoir out there and ought to be published. It’s so raw with experience and perspective and clearly written by someone who knew how to live life. As I read through it, I found myself compelled to read parts out loud to the people sitting around me. It’s so good! I know your mom is working on a collection to make into a book someday. Everything you wrote should be published. Your life truly needs to be shared. You have not stopped making a difference, Andrew.

Sometimes, reflecting on these things makes it seem even more unfair and unreal that you’ve now been gone for six months.

I want to fill you in on some things that happened in Taipei, right around the time of your birthday, actually.

Pictured above: Joanna, Kalong, Victoria, Fred & William (The three girls were on Team Max, Fred was on the Shi Da Mandarin Training Center team, and William was on another team that I don’t know the name of.)

A group of us joined dragon boat teams this last year. Pretty sure you would have, too, if you were still around after Chinese New Year. It’s tradition, competition, and connection with a whole other level of local life in Taipei, not to mention the more competitive your team was, the harder you trained physcially. You would have loved Dragon Boat Festival. Joining a dragon boat team ended up being one of my favorite experiences in Taiwan to date and actually is one of the things that I just jumped into in the wake of your inspiration. I realized life was too short to not take opportunities of adventure that presented themselves in the moment. (I told you all about that in the letter I  a couple posts ago.) The dragon boat competitions were the last weekend of June, a few days before everyone was getting ready to celebrate your birthday by wearing Cubs gear.

The female team that Joanna, Kalong & I all rowed on together took first place in the Taipei City’s Women Open. To simply state it was awesome is an understatement. Here’s a “look” at the season and the competition:

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If you were there, you would have either been the loudest onlooker from the bank or the hardest rower in one of the boats. Not to mention the teammate that was the most fun and knew how to make everyone smile. So I dedicate my 2012 Dragon Boat Festival experience to you. Thanks for shaking things up, friend. You are truly missed, and, in some ways, never more alive as people all over the world are impacted by your life.

珍珠

dear andrew: 106 days

Dear Andrew,

Did you ever lose motivation? Did you ever feel like quitting? Your mom recently posted ‎#79 on Andrew’s To Do List: COME BACK TO MONMOUTH TO SPEAK on the Remembering Andrew Kuebrich facebook page. I believe that whatever you would have said to the students from your alma mater, sitting there in the audience, listening to a wise and experienced alum, would have changed their lives. It would have inspired them to move in ways they never thought they could. It would have been a motivational speech to go down in the books.

After you left, I read all the quotes you posted on your facebook page under the ABOUT ME section. Among these were the following lines:

I will run the streets and hostile lands
I will touch the rain with all I have
I will breathe the air, and scream it loud
My feet will never touch the ground

That last line is title of the blog your family started. I looked up the song the other day and listened to it. And then decided to use it as the soundtrack for the Nike 6K: Team Andrew Female Sector video.

Listening to the song brought on a whole new surge of thinking about you. And I was assured that the best way to remember you is to keep chasing dreams. To dance like nobody is watching and to sing like nobody is listening, and to be kind to everyone I meet.

Jamie, Sharon, and I ran together for most of the Nike 6K race, and at one point Sharon wasn’t sure if her lungs were going to make it. We encouraged each other with the words 加油 and “for Andrew.” We’re all getting 4Andrew on the back of our Nike shirts. You haven’t stopped inspiring us, friend. Your feet have yet to touch the ground. And now it’s our turn to run the streets and hostile lands, touch the rain with all we have, breathe the air, and scream it loud. Our feet will never touch the ground.

Your friend,

 珍珠

dear andrew: 90 days

Dear Andrew,

It’s been 3 months since that day you left. And life around here keeps going, just like you would have wanted. In fact, you just might be up there, looking down right now, rooting us all on.

The first race I ever signed up for is coming up this Sunday. It’s the Nike 6K and Team Andrew Female Sector is running it.

I’ve never been this physically active in my life. I just go for things and I push myself, because I don’t know if I’ll get another chance to go as far or as hard. It makes me think of the life you’d be living right now.

I’ve kind of been off my running schedule for the last month, because I joined a dragon boat team. I remember talking to you about your Taiwan bucket list. Ironically enough, it was one of the last conversations I had with you. Well, joining a dragon boat team has been on my Taiwan bucket list ever since I experienced my first Dragon Boat Festival in this country.  And I’m doing it! I totally joined on a whim, too. I had a short conversation with our friend Joanna that went something like this:

Me: Are you ready for the 6K? Have you been running?

Joanna: Yeah, actually, I joined a dragon boat team!

Me: WHAT!!!????

Joanna: Are you still interested in joining? (She said this in reference to a facebook post, thus the “still”.)

Me: YESSSS!!!!! Is it too late?

Joanna: I just joined on Tuesday.

Me: Really?!

Joanna: Can you be there tomorrow at 7:45am?

Me: Yes!

That night, I filled out the application and showed up at rowing practice the next morning. It’s been 5 days a week of early mornings ever since (Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun) and it is so good – the team experience, the physical experience, all of it. This is living life to the fullest, and this is exactly what you did.

Something just happened to me that is extremely similar, if not the exact same thing, to something you experienced in Hong Kong. I remember you telling me about this. You said it was a big bummer. Well, I completely relate with that bummed out feeling right now, because my iPhone disappeared/was taken Saturday night. It totally sucks, and I just spent all my money on my plane ticket to America for the summer, so I just gotta embrace it. But it sucks. And it happens. It happened to you; now it’s happened to me. And we just gotta keep running.

Your friend,

Victoria

dear andrew: 64 days

Dear Andrew,

It’s been 64 days since that day you left. A lot has happened since then. A few of our friends have become Christians. Life at the Aroma Coffee Shop is hopping. Church attendance on Sunday nights is strong.

We even got to meet your parents when they came out here in the middle of February. That was super special. They’re amazing people, Andrew. Absolutely beautiful. It came as no surprise to us, really. You carried so much of that beauty and laughter and love for life yourself. Words really cannot express how wonderful it was to be able to meet the two people who raised you. They’re both part of our family now, just like you were and still are.

   

On a more personal note, I’ve started running again. On Tuesday, February 7th, I was back out on the river after what had been…a while. I’ve been running 3-4 times a week since then, and for the first time in my life, I’m going the distance, clocking the miles and have officially signed up for my very first race. It’s a 6K. It’s actually the Nike Women’s run that’s happening on 4.29 and Team Andrew, Female Sector is running it! There are five of us, and we’re all running for you. In fact, Team Andrew was going to run the Puma 10K in May, but that race apparently filled in half an hour. Don’t worry, we’ll pick another one!

Rachel and I decided over lunch today that we’re going to run the Taipei Marathon in December.

“May you run and not be weary. May you walk and not be faint.” In a sense, Andrew, these were your last words to me. Perhaps, they were your last words to all of us. I remember the conversation I had with you on the train on our way back from Taroko. I was so inspired that weekend, especially after cheering on thousands of runners in the mountains of Taiwan, to start running again, but so many stupid things were paralyzing me from getting out there. You never let the stupid things get to you. You just kept running. And signing up for races. And running.

So I’ve started again, and I’m not going to stop. Life is too short to stop. You taught me that. I usually run in the mornings, and every time I think about staying in bed, remembering that life is too short to stop gets me right out of bed and on to the river. Running.

I ran 5 miles yesterday, which was a personal record for distance. Only 20 more to go.

Your friend,

Victoria